When Nothing You Tried for Anxiety Worked, It Was Probably the Wrong Fit

Anxiety has been with me as far back as I can remember. For years I spent money on the wrong methods and with the wrong practitioners. They told me the problem was that I was not doing enough of what they were selling. I was doing plenty of it. The approach was wrong for me, and nobody in the room was willing to say so.

That part is worth naming plainly, because I hear it from clients all the time. A practitioner who explains a lack of results by pointing at how hard you are trying is describing the limits of their method, not the limits of you.

What changed when someone asked about my body

Somatic work was where it turned around for me. It was the first time anyone asked me where the anxiety was in my body. Before that, every question had been about what I was thinking, and I had gotten very good at answering those questions without anything actually changing. Once I could feel where the anxiety lived, I could finally tell what I was working with.

You cannot force anxiety out of your body. I tried that for years, and pushing against it only ever made it louder. Anxiety still shows up without warning, and it can still leave me turned around before I know what started it. What changed is that I stopped trying to make it leave. I have learned to ask what my body needs while it is happening instead. That is a skill rather than something a person either has or does not have, which means it can be taught.

The three questions I come back to with clients are simple ones. Where does it hurt, and how does it hurt. What does my body need right now. What is this part of me asking for. None of those questions require any training to try, and the answers tend to be more specific than anything I ever reasoned my way to. I do not want to reach the end of my life having spent it braced against my own body.

Four questions to ask before you pay for the next thing

I would have saved years and a fair amount of money if I had asked these before signing up for anything.

Does this method ask about my body, or only about my thoughts? Both approaches have their place. If anxiety is happening in your chest and your breath and your stomach, an approach that stays in your head is working at one remove from where it is happening.

What happens if this does not work for me? Listen for whether the answer involves changing the approach or referring you elsewhere. If the answer is that you will need to commit harder, buy the next level, or attend the retreat, you have learned something useful.

Can I book one session before a package? A practitioner confident in the fit will not need you to prepay for packages.

What should I be able to do on my own after working with you? The point of this is that you learn to understand your own anxiety. If nothing in the answer describes a skill that becomes yours, the arrangement depends on you coming back.

Why I built this place

If you do not know what comes next, and the loudest thought you have is that you have never been enough, this is written for you. I made this space so that no one has to stand at a threshold alone, at the point where one part of a life is over and the next part has not started yet. Nobody should have to hold a private burden while believing that the people around them would not understand it.

A person who comes here does not have to make a case for what they are going through before anyone takes it seriously. They do not have to arrive with the right words for it. What they get is help learning to understand their own anxiety, so that the next time it arrives they already know how to listen to themselves. You can start with one person and one appointment.

I am a somatic and mindfulness coach and a trauma-informed Reiki practitioner with more than fifteen years of practice, and I am not a therapist. My clients have finished therapy, are working with a therapist at the same time as me, or are waiting for one to have an opening. If anxiety is affecting your sleep, your work, or your relationships, a licensed clinician is the right person to see, and I am glad to work alongside them. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Book a session at Healing Arts Center in Virginia Beach: vagaro.com/healingartscenter