What Reiki Feels Like When You've Spent Years on Guard: A Veteran's Story

By Victoria Duarte, Somatic & Mindfulness Coach, Co-Founder of Healing Arts Center · Virginia Beach
Shared with my client's permission. His identity and details are kept private at his request.

For the sake of telling this, let's call him Dan. Dan is a retired veteran who came to me wanting help with pain, and real tools to work with it, not just something to take the edge off for an hour. When I asked one day if he'd like to try Reiki, his first response told me exactly where to start: "What if I can't relax?"

Why is it so hard to relax when your body learned to stay alert?

For a lot of people, especially veterans and anyone whose nervous system spent years staying ready, "just relax" can feel impossible, even a little insulting. The body learned to scan, to brace, to stay watchful, and it learned it for good reason. You can't talk it out of that. So when Dan asked "what if I can't relax," it wasn't a problem to fix. It was the honest place to begin, and the whole session was built around it.

What does a trauma-sensitive Reiki session actually look like?

Before anything else, we took the pressure off.

I told Dan he didn't have to lie on the table if that felt like too much. He could stay on the couch. He could use the gravity chair. He could keep his eyes open the whole time. If anything felt uncomfortable, we'd adjust, and if it wasn't working, we'd simply stop. I told him I'd follow his lead, not the other way around.

Then came the smaller choices, the ones that mattered more than they might seem.

He wanted to keep his smartwatch on so he could watch his resting heart rate. Normally I'd invite someone to take a watch off so they can let go more fully, but watching his heart rate helped him feel safe and in control. So of course it stayed on. That was an easy yes.

He'd never tried a weighted blanket and wasn't sure if it would feel comforting or confining. We tried it, with the understanding that it came right off if it felt like too much. He was genuinely surprised by how much that gentle, grounding weight helped him settle.

And when he asked what if he didn't want to close his eyes, I told him that was completely fine. You're in charge of your body. Keeping his eyes open wasn't a failure to relax. It was him doing exactly what he needed to feel okay.

If you've been wanting to try something like this but a part of you is already bracing, this is the kind of care you can expect here. You can reach out with any question first, no commitment needed.

What changed for him?

With his own music playing, the weighted blanket grounding him, his watch on his wrist, and his eyes open or closed as he chose, Dan got quiet. Not because I made him. Because he finally felt safe enough to.

He told me afterward how surprised he was at how still his mind became. He could actually listen to the music instead of staying braced and watchful. Even the part he'd worried about most, lying down, turned. In his own words, he melted into the table and let it hold him. That's a significant thing for a body that has spent a long time feeling like it had to hold itself.

We also practiced a simple breathing technique and a couple of grounding exercises he could use on his own if he ever felt triggered, and he knew the entire time that we'd stop the moment he wanted to.

Why does staying in control matter so much in this work?

None of what happened worked because I made Dan relax. It worked because he stayed in charge of his own body the entire time. Every choice was his. Where he sat. What he listened to. What he kept on. Whether his eyes were open. Whether we continued.

My role wasn't to manage him into stillness. It was to make enough room, and offer enough safety, that he could find it himself. That's how I work, and it's how everyone at our collective works. You set the pace. We follow.

How do I try Reiki if I'm nervous about it?

You start exactly where Dan did, by being honest about the nervousness, and bringing it with you. You don't have to be good at relaxing. You don't have to lie down, close your eyes, or do anything that doesn't feel right. You stay in control the whole way through.

If that's the kind of space you've been looking for, I'd love to welcome you.

Book a session or reach out with questions first. Healing Arts Center is a veteran-owned wellness collective in Virginia Beach, with sessions in person and online. A sliding scale is available for veterans, active duty, first responders, and their families.

Frequently asked questions

Is Reiki safe for veterans or people with trauma?
Reiki is a gentle, non-invasive relaxation practice that can be very supportive for people who carry stress or trauma, especially when it's offered in a trauma-sensitive way that keeps you in control the whole time. It's a supportive wellness practice, not a substitute for care from a doctor or licensed therapist.

What if I can't relax during Reiki?
You don't have to force relaxation. A good practitioner meets you where you are, lets you keep your eyes open, choose your position, play your own music, and stop anytime. Often, feeling in control is exactly what allows the body to settle on its own.

Do I have to lie down on a table for Reiki?
No. You can sit on a couch, use a chair, or adjust however you're comfortable. The setup follows your needs, not the other way around.

Is Reiki a medical treatment for pain?
No. Reiki and somatic practices are gentle ways to support relaxation and ease tension. They can sit alongside medical care but are not a substitute for treatment from a licensed provider.

Where can I try trauma-sensitive Reiki near Virginia Beach?
Healing Arts Center, a veteran-owned wellness collective at 4652 Suite A Haygood Road in Virginia Beach, offers Reiki and somatic sessions in person and online.

Ask us about our sliding scale for our military and family members.

Reiki and somatic practices are gentle, supportive ways to help the body rest. They are not medical treatment or a substitute for care from a doctor or licensed therapist, especially for chronic pain or trauma. If you're carrying something heavier, I'm always glad to help you find the right support.