The Gap Between Your Values and Your Life (And How to Close It)

Everyone's talking about 2026 goals right now. What you'll achieve. Who you'll become. How you'll transform.

But before you make any of those plans, I want you to ask yourself one question: What do I value, and does my life actually reflect it?

Look at where you spend your time. Your energy. Your attention. Does it match what you say matters most?

If there's a gap - and for most of us, there is - one big New Year's resolution won't close it. Small choices will. Moments where you decide differently.

The Problem With Big Annual Goals

I used to make New Year's resolutions like everyone else. I'd sit down, map out the year, think about where I wanted to go and what I hoped to accomplish.

But I never set intentions for the small stuff. For today. For this phone call. For how I wanted to show up to dinner with my family.

And that's where life actually happens - in the moments I was too busy planning to notice.

The Fundraiser That Taught Me This

A few weeks ago, I went to a fundraiser. Before I walked in, I did something I don't usually do. I paused and set an intention - not a goal, not a plan. Just clarity on how I wanted to be.

I took a few quiet moments. Put my hand on my chest. Let the mental noise settle. And asked myself what I needed.

My intention: "Stay curious and open."

I needed this because when I walked into that room, it was packed. Everyone talked over everyone else. Everyone seemed to know everyone - except me. I was the stranger. The noise was overwhelming.

My first instinct kicked in immediately: plan an exit. Figure out who I needed to talk to and how quickly I could leave. Control the situation by getting out of it.

This is what years in a toxic work environment taught me. Over-plan everything. Stay hypervigilant. Keep your guard up. Always be three steps ahead. Never fully relax.

But I had set an intention. And that intention reminded me that trying to control everything would just shut me down. I needed to stay present. To follow what emerged. To stay open to whatever happened.

So I did. And staying curious instead of controlled created connections I never would have made otherwise.

Why This Matters for the Work I Do

I'm telling you this story because I see the same pattern with almost every client.

They come to me exhausted. They've spent years building strategies that kept them safe when life was hard. Over-planning every detail. Scanning constantly for problems. Never fully letting their guard down. Always bracing for what might go wrong.

One client told me she can't go to social events anymore without a full mental map of the room, the exits, and who she'll talk to for exactly how long. Another said she plans her weekends down to the hour because if she doesn't, the anxiety is unbearable.

Your body develops these responses when it needs them. You adapt to survive. And given what you've been through, these patterns made complete sense.

But they often outlast the conditions that created them. You can still be running survival programs long after the actual threat has passed.

And when you're constantly scanning for danger, you miss the signals that say you're safe. You miss ease. You miss connection. You miss the moments worth being present for.

What Changes This

Setting intentions for small moments brings you back.

Not intentions for the year. Not resolutions about who you'll become. Intentions for right now.

Before you sit down to dinner, pause and ask: How do I want to be here? Not what do I need to accomplish - how do I want to show up?

Before a difficult conversation: What matters to me about this? What quality do I want to bring?

Before your workday starts: What's one way I want to feel today?

You don't need to analyze it. Put your hand on your heart, take a breath, and notice what you actually need in this specific moment.

How the Gap Actually Closes

The gap between your values and your life won't close because of one ambitious January plan.

It closes when you set an intention before breakfast and actually follow it. When you notice your shoulders tensing and consciously drop them. When you catch yourself rushing and choose to slow down. When you realize you're about to say yes out of habit and you say no instead.

Small intentions. Small moments where you choose differently. Again and again.

That's how your life starts reflecting what actually matters to you.

So here's my question for you: What's one intention for today? Not for 2026. For today. What's one way you want to show up differently in the next few hours?