Giving Yourself Grace

I did not realize when I first planned to write about this how much I would need the reminder myself. I have been learning to give myself grace intentionally, daily, in ways I did not expect.

Grace, at its core, means being kind to ourselves. Courteous. Thoughtful. Generous. Compassionate. It is responding to our own struggles with the same gentleness we would offer someone we love.

Three years ago, I left a job that required sixty-hour workweeks. Holiday breaks were not actually breaks. The owner treated them as extra time to pile more work onto my plate. When I asked for time off because I was exhausted, she would assign me a project with an unrealistic deadline, often for work that was not even part of my role. If I pushed back or could not meet her expectations, angry texts and phone calls followed. Nothing I completed was appreciated. It was simply expected, with more added on top.

I left burned out and depleted. My nervous system was overwhelmed. Setting boundaries had made me a target in that environment, so I learned to stop trying. I ignored my own needs in order to survive.

Now I am a co-founder of Healing Arts Center, working alongside my business partner Mark, who genuinely supports me. This is a very different environment. When I start to overcommit, he reminds me that rest, creativity, and balance matter. He helps me notice when I am slipping back into old patterns before I am too deep in them.

I am also navigating my daughter’s final year of high school. Between supporting clients, managing the business, and being present for these last months before she leaves for college, I am stretched thin. And I am learning.

So here I am, asking myself a question I often return to.

What does grace actually look like?

Grace Means Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

For a long time, I believed I could handle everything. That if I organized better, worked harder, or slept less, I could keep up. That is not how capacity works.

Now I am learning to be honest about what I can realistically manage. Some days that is a lot. Some days it is not. A good day is no longer defined by how much I accomplish. It is defined by whether I respect my limits instead of bulldozing past them.

I am terrible at estimating time. I consistently believe I can fit more into an hour than is possible. Someone once described this as believing in magic time, the idea that if you move fast enough, reality will cooperate.

Grace, for me, looks like learning how long things actually take. Building in a margin. Accepting that interruptions happen, energy fluctuates, and I cannot operate at full capacity all day. This is still hard for me.

Grace Means Recognizing Good Enough

I used to measure success by perfection because that was the expectation in my work environment. Every mistake became a problem. Every imperfection was treated as evidence that you were not trying hard enough.

Now I am learning that done is often better than perfect.

At Healing Arts Center, I could endlessly refine systems and details. But our work functions well. Our space is welcoming. Our processes serve our clients. Chasing perfection would not improve the work. It would only exhaust me.

This applies beyond work. My house does not need to be spotless. Dinner does not need to be elaborate. My emails do not need to be eloquent. Good enough creates room for what actually matters.

Grace Means Accepting Help

For a long time, I believed needing help meant I was failing. If I could not handle everything on my own, I must not be capable enough. That belief nearly broke me.

When Mark first offered to work alongside me, I hesitated. I came from an environment where trust was unsafe and asking for support was punished. But he was not offering control. He was offering partnership.

Partnership looks like this: shared responsibility, complementary strengths, and mutual support for rest. This is the baseline, not the exception. I’m grateful that this is my reality.

Grace Means Knowing When to Stop

Not everything deserves to be finished.

Some projects made sense when I started them and no longer do. Some goals were never actually mine. They were inherited from someone else’s expectations.

Giving myself permission to stop can feel uncomfortable at first. I used to equate quitting with a lack of discipline. Now I see that choosing where not to spend my energy is part of caring for myself.

Grace Means Naming What Is Hard

I do not need to pretend things are fine when they are not.

When something is difficult, I name it. Not to complain, but to acknowledge reality. This is hard. It is hard for specific reasons. Naming it helps keep it contained instead of letting it bleed into everything else.

Often, naming what is hard reveals that I am not alone in it.

Grace Creates Space to Move Forward

Giving myself grace is not about letting myself off the hook. It is about removing the weight of perfectionism and self-criticism so I can respond more honestly to what is in front of me.

When I am buried under guilt and disappointment, growth is impossible. Grace creates breathing room. It allows me to see where I am, figure out what I need, and take the next step without force.

Sometimes giving yourself grace means not doing it alone.

If you are in a season where things feel heavy, unclear, or harder than they should be, having support can help. This is the work I do at Healing Arts Center, supporting people as they slow down, notice patterns, and make thoughtful changes at a pace that respects their capacity.

If it feels right, you can schedule an appointment at
https://www.healingartsvb.com

Be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace.