Why Adding More Isn’t Helping You Rest
Self-Care by Subtraction
Many people do a lot to take care of themselves and still feel worn down. Their schedules include routines, classes, practices, and tools meant to reduce stress. On paper, self-care is happening.
The exhaustion remains.
This usually isn’t about effort. It’s about conditions that haven’t changed.
Daily life fills quickly with responsibilities and expectations. Work, caregiving, relationships, and obligations pile up. Self-care often comes last after everything else is handled. Another practice. Another appointment. Another strategy layered onto an already full plate.
Temporary relief can follow. A sound healing meditation, a workshop, a class, or a mindfulness practice may help for an hour or even a few hours. Then the same pace and demands return.
This pattern points to a common issue: self-care that focuses only on addition rarely leads to lasting relief.
Why self-care without subtraction falls short
Practices like movement, meditation, and creative work can support stress management. They cannot counterbalance ongoing overextension.
When people use self-care only to cope with an unsustainable pace, it becomes a way to endure stress rather than address it. The practices themselves aren’t the problem. Nothing draining you has been removed.
Subtraction shifts the focus.
Instead of asking what else to add, subtraction asks what no longer fits.
Which commitments take more energy than they return
Which roles remain out of habit rather than choice
Which expectations keep pushing past your limits
Which relationships require constant effort without mutual support
These questions often feel harder than signing up for another class. Adding something new can feel productive. Removing something requires discernment and honesty about actual capacity.
Subtraction is not avoidance.
Reducing what drains you doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or difficulty. It means responding to stress at its source rather than managing the fallout.
Many people rely on self-care practices to tolerate situations that need direct change. Meditation can calm the body. Gentle movement can support regulation. Neither replaces boundaries nor decisions about pace.
Relief without change rarely lasts.
Self-care becomes effective when it includes decisions such as:
pausing before agreeing to new commitments
letting something remain unfinished
delegating tasks that don’t need to stay on your plate
stepping back from roles that no longer align
simplifying routines that add pressure instead of support
Subtraction often has a greater impact than any new routine. Time opens up. Attention returns. Energy stops leaking in as many directions.
A more sustainable definition of self-care
Self-care isn’t about doing it correctly. It’s about choosing what no longer deserves your time and energy.
Avoidance isn’t the answer. Carrying everything isn’t either.
For many people, meaningful self-care begins when something finally gets set down.
Written by Victoria
Somatic & Mindfulness Coach at Healing Arts Center
Virginia Beach & Virtual
https://www.healingartsvb.com
If self-care practices offer only temporary relief, coaching can help you identify what needs to change rather than what needs to be added. This work focuses on awareness, choice, and reducing what drains you, so support actually lasts.
Learn more at https://www.healingartsvb.com.
Schedule a session through Vagaro:
https://www.vagaro.com/healingartscenter
