The Space Between Who I Was and Who I'm Becoming
By Victoria Duarte, Somatic & Mindfulness Coach, Co-Founder of Healing Arts Center · Virginia Beach
Published June 24, 2026
My daughter is eighteen. The other day, she asked me about summer internships for next year and the possibility of not coming home for the summer.
My first instinct was to say no, quickly, the way you would to a little kid asking to go on a trip with a friend when you're sure they're too young for it. But that wasn't who was standing in front of me. In front of me was a young woman thinking carefully about her future and how to protect it.
So I watched myself say a supportive yes, and at the same time, I felt my own emotions rise up underneath it. That is the uncomfortable part of what I've come to think of as the in-between. The old reaction, the urge to protect her, or really to protect our time together, shows up right alongside the part of me that knows better and wants to cheer her on. Both were true at once.
I think that's what these in-between seasons really are. Not a clean before and after, but the old self and the becoming self sitting in the same moment, sometimes in the same breath. And I notice it isn't just me. So many of the people I work with are in that same place, right in the middle of something that's asking them to grow.
When the old self shows up right as something new begins
One of my clients was chosen for something she'd only ever let herself imagine, the kind of opportunity you assume happens to other people. She was thrilled. And almost immediately, she watched the fear creep in, the self-doubt, the old habit of talking herself down.
What struck me was that she could see it happening. After the work we'd been doing, she caught herself spiraling and pulled out of it faster than before, and she noticed how much more kindly she was speaking to herself. And still, that old corner of her mind, the one where she shrinks and makes herself small, felt familiar. Almost safe.
Then came her realization. She saw that if she talked herself down first, it might hurt less if the opportunity were taken away before it even began. Making herself small felt like protection, a way to brace against a disappointment that hadn't happened and might never come.
Is that self-sabotage, or something else?
It can look and feel like self-sabotage, because it does get in your way. But underneath, it's usually an old protective pattern, a part of you that once learned that shrinking or bracing kept you safe. When something good is on the horizon, that part can get loud, because hope feels risky. Seeing it this way doesn't excuse the pattern or pretend it isn't holding you back. It just lets you work with it from compassion instead of shame, which tends to be what actually loosens its grip.
How do you move through it?
You don't have to argue with that part of yourself or force it away. When my client said her fear out loud, we slowed down and worked gently with her body, and she felt it for what it was: not the truth about her, just her nervous system's fear response, switched on. Once she could see that, it settled.
That's much of what this work is. Learning to notice when it's fear talking, settle the body, and keep moving anyway. The old reactions don't have to lead just because they're familiar. Mine didn't, standing in my kitchen with my daughter. Hers didn't either.
Work with me
If you're standing in your own in-between right now, you don't have to navigate it alone. I offer somatic and mindfulness coaching and inner child hypnotherapy at Healing Arts Center in Virginia Beach, with coaching also available online. We go slowly, at your pace.
You canhttps://www.healingartsvb.com/work-with-victoriabook a session, o info@healingartsvb.com with your questions first.
Frequently asked questions
Why do I feel anxious or full of self-doubt right when something good happens?
Because hope can feel risky. An older, protective part of you may brace for disappointment by talking you down or shrinking your excitement. It feels like self-protection, even though it gets in the way of enjoying what's yours.
Is self-doubt the same as self-sabotage?
It can look and feel like self-sabotage, because it does get in your way. But underneath, it's usually an old protective pattern that once helped you stay safe. Seeing it that way doesn't excuse it; it helps you work with it from compassion instead of shame, which is often what loosens its grip.
Can somatic coaching help with fear and self-doubt?
Yes. Somatic coaching helps you notice the fear response in your body, settle your nervous system, and respond from a calmer place instead of an old pattern. It's coaching, not therapy; for deeper trauma, a licensed therapist is the right support.
Where do you offer this work?
At Healing Arts Center in Virginia Beach, with somatic and mindfulness coaching also available online throughout the area.
This article is for general educational purposes. Coaching supports growth and self-awareness and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health treatment. If you're working through trauma, grief, or a mental health concern, please consult a licensed professional. Healing Arts Center works alongside licensed providers and will help connect you with the right care.
