Is Your Coach Gaslighting You? Here Is What to Look For

By Victoria | Healing Arts Center | Mind · Body · Spirit
Emotional Wellness | May 2026

The coaching and wellness space is full of genuinely gifted, ethical, and caring practitioners. But it is also an unregulated industry, and that means not everyone who calls themselves a coach or practitioner has your best interests at heart.
Gaslighting is a term that gets used a lot, but it describes something very specific and very serious. It is a pattern of manipulation where someone causes you to question your own memory, perception, and reality. In a coaching relationship, where you are already vulnerable and actively working to grow, this kind of manipulation can be particularly damaging.
If something in your coaching relationship has ever felt off but you could not quite name it, this is for you.

A Note on Language and Power

You may have noticed that we do not use the word healer at Healing Arts Center. This is intentional.
When a practitioner positions itself as a healer, it creates an unequal power dynamic. It implies that one person has the power to fix or restore another, placing the client in a passive, dependent role and the practitioner in a position of authority over their wellbeing. Even when unintentional, this situation can make it significantly harder for a client to speak up, set boundaries or question what is happening in the room.
The correct clinical term for this is a therapeutic power differential, and it is something that ethical practitioners are trained to be deeply aware of and actively work to minimize.
At Healing Arts Center, we believe that healing belongs to you. Our role is to walk alongside you, offer tools and support, and hold space while you do your own work.

What Gaslighting Actually Is

The term comes from a 1938 play in which a husband slowly manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind. Today, it refers to any pattern of behavior designed to confuse, disorient, and destabilize someone, leading them to doubt themselves and become dependent on the person causing the harm. In a coaching context, it rarely happens all at once. It is gradual, and that is what makes it so hard to recognize.

Signs Your Coach May Be Gaslighting You

1. They fabricate results or use personal trauma to gain your trust.
   A practitioner who exaggerates client outcomes, manufactures success stories, or shares their own personal trauma and lived experience specifically to gain your sympathy is blurring a boundary that should never be crossed. When personal sharing becomes a tool to make you feel indebted to them, emotionally responsible for them, or less likely to question their methods, it has crossed into manipulation. A trustworthy practitioner keeps the focus on you, not on themselves.

2. They use what matters most to you against you.
   A trustworthy practitioner holds what you share with care. A gaslighting coach uses your vulnerabilities, your relationships, your fears, and your values as leverage to keep you dependent on them.
   The confusion builds slowly over time.
   You may find yourself feeling increasingly unsure of your own judgment. You may struggle to trust your instincts or feel like you cannot make a decision without your coach’s input. That growing self-doubt is not a sign that you need more coaching. It may be a sign that something is wrong.

3. Their actions do not match their words.
   They speak about empowerment while making you feel smaller. When what someone says and what they do are consistently different, believe what they do.

4. They use praise and criticism at the same time.
   A gaslighting coach will build you up and cut you down in the same breath. This keeps you off balance, constantly seeking their approval, and unable to trust your own assessment of how you are doing.

5. They isolate you from other sources of support.
   If your coach discourages you from speaking with friends, family members, therapists, or other practitioners, ask yourself why. A practitioner operating with integrity will always encourage you to build a strong support network.

6. They question your perception of reality.
   If you raise a concern and your coach tells you that you are being too sensitive, misunderstood, or imagining things, pay close attention. Your concerns deserve to be heard, not dismissed.

7. They make you feel like you cannot trust anyone else.
   A gaslighting coach positions themselves as the only reliable source of guidance in your life. Everyone else is painted as wrong, uninformed, or working against you. This is not coaching. This is control.

What a Healthy Coaching Relationship Actually Looks Like

A trustworthy practitioner sets clear boundaries, encourages your autonomy, welcomes questions without becoming defensive, and actively supports your connections with others in your life. You should leave sessions feeling clearer, more grounded, and more like yourself. Not confused, diminished, or unsure of your own mind.

Trust Yourself

If something has felt off in a coaching relationship, that feeling is worth listening to. Your instincts are intelligent. The discomfort you have been carrying may not be resistance to growth. It may be your nervous system telling you something important.
You deserve support that genuinely supports you. At Healing Arts Center,, we are committed to creating a space where you feel safe, seen, and fully in ownership of your own journey. f you have questions or want to talk through what you have experienced, we are here.Reach out today.

About Healing Arts Center

Healing Arts Center | Mind · Body · Spirit is a holistic wellness collective in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Founded by Victoria, our practitioners specialize in somatic movement, breathwork, sound healing, Reiki, trauma-informed yoga, and one-on-one wellness sessions. We support clients navigating stress, emotional overwhelm, life transitions, and nervous system dysregulation, in person and online. Victoria brings years of experience in trauma-informed practice and is deeply committed to ethical, client-centered care.
Victoria | Healing Arts Center
healingartscenter.com

Frequently Asked Questions

Was it gaslighting in a coaching relationship?

Gaslighting in a coaching or wellness relationship is a pattern of manipulation where a practitioner causes a client to doubt their own perception, memory or judgment. It often happens slowly and can leave clients feeling confused, dependent, and unable to trust themselves. Noticing the signs early is essential to protecting your well-being.

Was is a therapeutic power differential?
A therapeutic power differential refers to the inherent power disparity that exists in any helping relationship. Ethical practitioners are taught to recognize this situation and actively work to minimize it by focusing client autonomy, informed consent and clear professional boundaries.

Why does the language matter in the wellness space?

The words used by practitioners shape the entire dynamic of the relationship. Words such as healer position the practitioner as the authority and the client as the passive recipient. Ethical, trauma informed practice centers on the client as the expert on their own experience and the practitioner as a helpful guide, never a fixer.
How do I know if my coach or wellness practitioner is trustworthy?
A trustworthy practitioner encourages your independence, welcomes your questions, holds clear professional boundaries, and actively supports your connections with others outside the coaching relationship. You should feel clearer and more grounded after sessions, never confused, diminished, or dependent.

What should I do if I think my coach is gaslighting me?
Trust your instincts. Reach out to someone you trust outside the coaching relationship, whether a friend, family member, or a licensed mental health professional. Document your concerns if you feel safe doing so. You do not have to navigate this alone, and support is available.

Is coaching regulated industry?
Coaching is largely unregulated, meaning that anyone can call themselves a coach or wellness practitioner without formal training or moral oversight. This makes it particularly important to research practitioners carefully, ask about their credentials and training, and pay close attention to how you feel in the relationship over time.

Where is Healing Arts Center located?
Healing Arts Center is located in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and serves clients locally and online.

This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you believe you are in an abusive or exploitative therapeutic relationship, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional or your local licensing board.