What Self-Love Actually Looks Like When You’re Still Learning It

People often talk about self-love as if it’s something you just wake up with, like confidence appears overnight. But for many, especially those who grew up in difficult situations or had to care for others, self-love doesn’t feel that simple.

Most of the time, self-love doesn’t start with feeling good.
It often starts when you stop seeing yourself as a problem that needs fixing.

Self-love grows when you listen to yourself instead of criticizing.
It grows when you pause instead of always pushing yourself forward.
It also grows when you stop believing that your harshest inner voice is always right.

You’ll still feel discomfort. Doubt will still be there. Old habits might try to pull you back. But self-love means staying with yourself instead of turning away. It’s about offering yourself compassion, even if you don’t feel completely ready or things aren’t perfect.

Self-love isn’t just about saying affirmations. It’s more about accepting your inner world as it is, without forcing it to change.

Here are three simple ways to start practicing this kind of self-love:

1. Notice when you feel most like yourself

Notice the small moments when you feel at ease. It could be a conversation where you feel understood, a walk that helps you relax, or a task that leaves you energized. Pay attention to who you’re with, how your body feels, and what the moment brings out in you.

These moments show you what supports your well-being. The more you notice them, the easier it is to build a life that matches who you really are, not just who you were taught to be.

2. Set boundaries where resentment shows up

Resentment is information.
It shows you where your needs aren’t being met or where you’re doing things out of obligation instead of choice.

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out. They’re about being clear. Boundaries help you stay connected to others without losing yourself. When you respect your limits, you make room for real connection instead of feeling drained.

3. Ask what your future self would choose

When you’re stuck between what feels comfortable now and what will help you in the future, take a moment and ask yourself:

What would the version of me who knows how to take good care of myself choose right now?

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about building a steady, trusting relationship with yourself. Small, thoughtful choices add up and help create a future that feels right for you.

Self-love isn’t something you master in one moment. It’s a practice that grows as you learn to stay with yourself through discomfort, doubt, and change. You don’t have to feel confident to start. You just need to be willing to stay present with yourself, even for a short time.

If you’re learning how to do this and want practical, body-based support, I offer sessions at Healing Arts Center in Virginia Beach. You can find more information at https://www.healingartsvb.com or book directly at https://www.vagaro.com/healingartscenter.