What Self-Compassion Really Looks Like in Daily Life
I've been carrying a lot lately. We all find ourselves in this position sometimes. When too much change happens all at once, we need to slow down and pay attention, or we'll reach our limit.
This morning I woke up feeling tension spreading through my body. I took a slow breath in, released it, and gave myself a moment of stillness and prayer. As I got ready, I noticed I wasn't feeling fully myself, so I went for a walk.
I noticed my mind wanting to go into "you know how much you have to do" mode, which triggers the racing heart, the immense pressure to get it all done, and the feeling of failure before I even start. Instead of falling into that doom cycle of thoughts and feelings, I shifted my attention. I noticed the trees, the sky, the crisp fall air.
I took time not just to notice the present moment, but to give myself compassion. To talk to myself with kindness. Instead of running through my to-do list, I validated my feelings. I reassured myself that I can handle today. I reminded myself of my priorities and that it's okay if I don't get to everything else.
Self-compassion sounds simple, but actually practicing it is a challenge. That's where most of us get stuck.
I was talking to a client recently, and she said, "I know I need to reparent myself, but I don't know how."
I told her it starts with noticing how you speak to yourself. When you're overwhelmed, what's the voice in your head saying? Is it harsh? Critical? Impatient? Then ask yourself: would I speak to a child this way?
Reparenting is learning to give yourself what you needed but didn't always receive. Permission to rest when you're tired. Comfort when you're struggling. Gentleness when you make a mistake. It's treating yourself like someone worthy of care, not someone who has to earn it.
What if self-compassion were something we actually valued and practiced, not just something we talked about when we're already burned out?
If you're wondering where to start, here are four practices that have helped me:
Find a photo of yourself as a young child and keep it visible. Notice how it changes the way you speak to yourself. You're still that same person.
Step back and look at everything you're actually dealing with. The ongoing effects of recent years, health concerns, work pressure, family dynamics, and major life transitions. You're carrying more than you realize. You're doing what you can.
Talk to someone who sees you clearly and cares about you. A real conversation can help you let go of rigid thinking and view yourself with more kindness.
Let the people around you see you practice this. If you're a parent, showing your children how to be kind to themselves builds their resilience and self-worth. Let them hear you say, "Today was hard. I'm doing my best." This matters for colleagues, too.
When I catch myself being harsh, I pause. I place my hands on my chest, breathe slowly, and invite in some softness. When I can open my heart to myself, the way I see everyone else shifts too. Compassion for others grows from compassion for myself.
