Understanding Your Boundaries: Three Practices for Self-Awareness
Three practices have changed how I navigate difficult moments. They haven't made hard things disappear, but they've changed my relationship to what's difficult.
1. Working with what is
We often resist reality, wishing things were different or feeling unprepared. I've learned to engage with what's actually in front of me rather than fight it.
Acknowledging what's true helps me make healthy decisions. I can't transform something that I'm still pretending I'm okay with or that isn't real.
When something painful happens, I notice what boundary was violated. Was it a physical boundary, where someone invaded my personal space or touched me without permission? A sexual boundary, where my right to consent wasn't respected? An emotional or mental boundary, where someone dismissed my feelings or expected me to manage theirs? A spiritual boundary, where someone disrespected my beliefs? A financial boundary, where someone pressured me about money or borrowed without asking? A time boundary, where someone demanded my availability when I'd already said no? A non-negotiable boundary, where something I absolutely need for my safety was crossed? I notice what the boundary is and who violated it.
Then I ask: What's actually here? What can I do with what I have? What decision do I need to make to protect myself? What conversation needs to happen? What relationship needs to shift or end?
Sometimes the answer is to leave, grieve, seek lessons, get through today, and reassess, or have a direct conversation about change.
The shift isn't in the circumstances. It's in stopping the exhausting fight with reality that keeps you stuck.
2. Putting down what's not yours to carry
When I was younger, I carried anger toward people for what they did. I reviewed conversations. I justified my resentment. I stayed mad because it felt like letting go meant they won.
It took years to realize: they're not carrying this weight. I am.
Anger had become a burden in my chest; I carried it everywhere. It affected my sleep, my relationships, and how I showed up in my own life. The person I was mad at? They had moved on years ago.
Releasing resentment doesn't excuse what happened nor require reconciliation. It just stops others' actions from ruling how you feel now.
I began small. I'd notice when I was rehashing old anger, and I'd say out loud, "I'm putting this down." Then I would visualize where this anger lived inside of me. Was it inside my chest, my hips, my belly, or my whole body? I'd locate where it was. Then I would imagine the hot red flames being extinguished by an energy that was more valuable and much-needed to me: self-compassion, self-appreciation, or courage.
Forgiveness comes from being organic and doesn't happen when you force it. I focused my attention on giving myself understanding and kindness. It gave me the space to forgive myself, and by doing so, I could let go of the ruminating thoughts.
Over time, my body started to relax in manners I didn't expect. Space opened up. Energy returned. I got my life back.
3. Getting honest about what's happening inside
For most of my life, I moved fast enough that I didn't have to feel much. Staying busy kept uncomfortable feelings at bay until my body started forcing me to pay attention through anxiety, tension, and exhaustion that wouldn't quit.
I learned to slow down enough to notice what was actually happening in my system. I wanted to acknowledge what was there instead of immediately trying to fix it or make it go away.
What am I actually feeling under the busyness? Where is tension living in my body? What's my nervous system trying to tell me?
When you stop running from what's real, you can actually work with what's there.
I started checking in with myself the way I'd check in with a friend. I'd notice what I found without judging it. Some days I'm anxious. Some days I'm grieving something I didn't know I lost. Some days I'm just tired and need rest.
The more honest I got with myself, the less my body had to scream to get my attention.
Understanding Your Boundaries
Part of getting honest about what's happening inside entails recognizing where your boundaries are. Boundaries protect different aspects of your health and help you honor what you need. There are seven types of boundaries:
Physical Boundaries: Limits around your personal space, touch, and physical needs.
Sexual Boundaries: Guidelines for consent, sexual preferences, and privacy.
Emotional or Mental Boundaries: Protect your feelings, thoughts, and emotional energy.
Spiritual or Religious Boundaries: Safeguard your spiritual beliefs, practices, and values.
Financial and Material Boundaries: Rules about money, possessions, and resources.
Time Boundaries: Guard your time availability and commitments.
Non-Negotiable Boundaries: Absolute limits essential for your security and welfare.
Understanding which boundaries you need to set helps you protect yourself, maintain your individuality, and ensure you're using your time, energy, and resources for what matters most to you.
Where to Start
Practice working with reality: Next time something doesn't go how you wanted, notice if you're fighting what is. Ask yourself: What's actually here? What can I do with this?
Put down one resentment: Think of something you're still carrying anger about. Notice if you're ready to stop carrying the heaviness of it.
Check in once today: Pause for two minutes. Ask: What am I actually feeling? Where am I holding tension? What does my body need right now?
Small redirections accumulate over time. The more you practice, the more you realize you have more control than you thought—not over what happens, but over how you hold it.
My hope for you is that you find ways to work with what life gives you, let go of what you're done carrying, and be honest about what's happening inside. If you need support with any of this, I'm here.
Many people find that choosing themselves brings up discomfort at first, especially if they are used to putting everyone else first. Choosing yourself is often less about becoming selfish and more about recognizing when your own needs deserve care and attention.
You can read more about this in Choose Yourself First, Even When It Feels Uncomfortable:
https://manatee-khaki-7yf2.squarespace.com/blog/choose-yourself-first-even-when-it-feels-uncomfortable
Work With Me
I'm Victoria, a somatic and mindfulness coach offering trauma-informed Reiki and meditation, hypnotherapy, breathwork, and yoga nidra at Healing Arts Center in Virginia Beach. I help people reconnect with their bodies, set boundaries to protect their peace, and build capacity to face life's challenges.
If you're ready to engage with what's in front of you, release what no longer serves you, and get honest with yourself, I'm here.
Healing Arts Center website:
https://www.healingartsvb.com
Book a session at Healing Arts Center:
https://www.vagaro.com/healingartscenter
