Choose Yourself First (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)
My daughter is seventeen now and learning how to move through the world in her own way. Watching her make choices reminds me of how early we learn to override what we feel. One memory stands out. She was in ninth grade, on the phone with a friend, caught in the same cycle again. I heard her say, "I hear you, but does it look like you're respecting yourself?"
She asked it with so much clarity. I remember standing in the hallway thinking, I hope she holds on to that question as life gets louder.
And the truth is, I hope the same for all of us.
How We Learn to Step Away From Ourselves
Most people don't lose themselves all at once. It happens in small ways.
You say yes to avoid disappointing someone. You stay longer than you want to keep the peace. You convince yourself that something isn't a big deal even though your body has already responded.
These small moments add up. Over time, you forget what it feels like to trust your own signals. You start making decisions based on other people's reactions rather than your actual needs. You learn to tolerate things that leave you drained.
This pattern becomes familiar, almost standard, even though it costs you more than you realize.
Your Body Notices Before Your Mind Speaks
Your body often registers the truth long before you can explain it.
You might feel heavy before you agree to something you don't want to do. You might feel uneasy after talking to someone who demands more than you can give. You might feel a sense of relief when you imagine a different choice.
These signals are subtle, but they become trustworthy once you begin paying attention. They help you understand what supports you and what pulls you away from yourself.
You don't need a special method to explore this. You can start by reflecting on authentic moments.
Think of a situation from your past that left you depleted. Notice how your body responds as you remember it. Now think of a time when something felt honest and aligned for you. Notice how different it feels.
This contrast is information. It's your own system talking to you.
Living From Someone Else's Expectations
A lot of people carry the weight of trying to be agreeable, helpful, available, and easy to manage. They spend so much time meeting expectations that they stop asking what feels right for them.
When you live this way, you lose sight of your natural signals. You explain away discomfort. You take responsibility for emotions that aren't yours. You show up in ways that look fine from the outside but feel hollow inside.
This isn't a connection. This is self-abandonment.
What It Looks Like To Return to Yourself
It's a practice of coming back to what's real for you.
It can look like:
Saying no without guilt
Pausing before you give an answer
Walking away from situations that drain you
Paying attention to how your body responds before your mind explains it
Trusting the feeling of “this works for me,” even when you cannot justify it to others
These choices may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you were raised to prioritize everyone else. Each small act strengthens your relationship with yourself.
Your Life Begins to Feel Like Your Own
As you begin to listen to your own inner signals, something shifts.
You stop pushing yourself into situations that wear you down. You stop chasing approval from people who don't meet you halfway. You start choosing paths that feel grounded instead of obligated.
Relationships become more honest. Work becomes easier to navigate. Boundaries stop feeling like walls and start feeling like clarity.
You begin living from your own center instead of from habit.
What I Want For You, For My Daughter, and For Myself
I want you to notice the moment something in you says, "This doesn't work for me," even if you can't explain why. Please take a moment before overriding it. I want you to practice small ways of honoring yourself, even when it feels new.
Your needs aren't an inconvenience. Your signals aren't a problem. Your sense of what fits you is worth respecting.
Choosing yourself doesn't separate you from others. It brings you back to the part of you that can show up with honesty, care, and presence.
Your life doesn't need to be perfect. It only needs to feel like it actually belongs to you.
At Healing Arts Center in Virginia Beach, we offer one-to-one, trauma-informed mindfulness, somatic support, and integrative care. Our work is centered on compassion, meeting people where they are, and creating spaces where emotions can be felt without judgment. We believe meaningful change begins with being supported in a way that feels safe and true. Healing Arts Center website: https://www.healingartsvb.com
Vagaro booking page: https://www.vagaro.com/healingartscenter
