The SoapBox Podcast with Victoria

Why Self-Compassion Shapes the Choices We Make

When talking with people about burnout, stress, and feeling overwhelmed, Victoria kept seeing the same thing. People often forget to consider themselves when making decisions.

People often make choices when they feel pressured. They say yes quickly and forget to pause. After a while, this way of deciding feels normal and even comfortable. But what feels familiar can sometimes hurt us.

Victoria has worked with people from many backgrounds for more than ten years, and she’s noticed something important. Self-compassion shows up in the way we make decisions, especially when we’re tired, overwhelmed, or responsible for others.

When we practice self-compassion, we give ourselves space to make real choices.

If we stay under pressure for too long, our bodies stay tense. We start making decisions quickly, sometimes before we even realize it. Saying yes to things that drain us becomes a habit, and it gets harder to protect our energy.

When we remember to include ourselves in our decisions, things start to shift. We notice tension sooner, recognize when we’re tired, and better understand what each choice will cost us.

These ideas became clear during my recent conversation on The SoapBox with host Richard Jones. Richard has decades of experience as a retired Air Force veteran and a registered nurse. We talked about clinical work, military culture, and the quieter side of long-term responsibility.

We discussed how much duty influences decision-making, especially in military, healthcare, and service jobs. In these fields, people are often praised for their endurance. Learning to push past personal limits becomes a skill, but over time, it can become a hard-to-break habit.

At Healing Arts Center, we often support active-duty service members, veterans, military spouses, and first responders. Many arrive after years of focusing their lives on the mission, the unit, or their families. Their ability to keep going is real, but so is the toll it takes on their bodies and nervous systems.

For many in military and service communities, self-compassion can feel unfamiliar at first. Slowing down can feel dangerous. Pausing can feel like letting someone down. The work often begins by rebuilding trust with internal signals. Learning to notice when tension spikes. Recognizing when agreement comes from obligation, when it comes from capacity.

Each person's process looks different. What supports one person may look completely different for another. The starting point is attention. Paying close enough attention to what is actually happening in the body, in the breath, in the moment.

As self-compassion becomes part of the work, decisions start changing. You stop answering emails at 11pm. You tell your sister you can't host Thanksgiving this year. You let the laundry sit while you take a walk. You ask your partner to handle school pickup twice a week.

When you make choices that include your own needs alongside everyone else's, you can sustain your life over time. The shift begins with a pause long enough to notice what your body is asking for.

If you'd like to listen to the full conversation with Richard, you can find the episode here: https://rcjones163.substack.com/p/the-soapbox-with-victoria-duarte or watch the conversation here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbLhUZfX-pE